Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique used traditionally in Sicily . The funny thing is that it really does work. 1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water. 3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air. 4. No one knows your secret place. 5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world. 6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of Nancy Pelosi, the person you are holding underwater. There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique. |
Sunday, April 25, 2010
HEY! It Could Be Anybody!
THEY ARE HERE!
1947
Probably one of the best emails of the year!!!The year is 1947
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
Albert A. Gore, Jr..
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?
I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.
No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
A Johnny Joke!
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we
started cursing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,
'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and
you say something with 'ass'. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he
wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets
up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,
slapping his rear with every step. His Mom locks him in his room and
shouts, 'You can just stay there until I let you out!'
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a
stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be
Cheerios!'
'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we
started cursing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,
'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and
you say something with 'ass'. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he
wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets
up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,
slapping his rear with every step. His Mom locks him in his room and
shouts, 'You can just stay there until I let you out!'
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a
stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be
Cheerios!'
LUCKY US!
To Those of Us Born
1925 - 1970 :
At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno.
If you don't read anything else, please read what he said.
Very well stated, Mr. Leno.
~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank
while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can,
and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies
in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes,
we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats,
no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes
no brakes..
Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle,
and no one actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid
made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.
WHY?
Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we
were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
--And, we were OKAY.
We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps..
and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes..
After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were no
video games, no 150 channels on cable,
no video movies or DVDs,
no surround-sound or CDs,
no cell phones,
no personal computers,
no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS
and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut,
broke bones and teeth,
and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.
We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles,
or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.
We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and
the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games
with sticks and tennis balls, and ...
-although we were told it would happen-
we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked
on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts
and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn
to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers, and inventors ever.
The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,
and we learned how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of those born
between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids
before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know
how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?
~~~~~~~
The quote of the month
by
Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another,
and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time
to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching
over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us.....pass this on.
1925 - 1970 :
At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno.
If you don't read anything else, please read what he said.
Very well stated, Mr. Leno.
~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank
while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can,
and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies
in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes,
we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats,
no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes
no brakes..
Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle,
and no one actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid
made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.
WHY?
Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we
were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
--And, we were OKAY.
We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps..
and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes..
After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were no
video games, no 150 channels on cable,
no video movies or DVDs,
no surround-sound or CDs,
no cell phones,
no personal computers,
no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS
and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut,
broke bones and teeth,
and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.
We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles,
or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.
We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and
the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games
with sticks and tennis balls, and ...
-although we were told it would happen-
we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked
on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts
and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn
to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers, and inventors ever.
The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,
and we learned how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of those born
between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids
before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know
how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?
~~~~~~~
The quote of the month
by
Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another,
and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time
to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching
over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us.....pass this on.
GARFIELD ON THE OIL CRISIS
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in:
~~~
Alaska
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
North Dakota
~~~
Wyoming
~~~
Colorado
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
~~~ &
Texas
~~~
Our dipsticks are located in DC.......
Any Questions? NO? Didn't think so.
Any Questions? NO? Didn't think so.
I DON'T KNOW......!!
A Texan is sitting in a bar far from home
when Barack Obama comes on TV.
The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama
is a horse's ass."
Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches
him in the face knocking the Texan off his bar stool, then stomps out.
He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders
another beer. Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV.
He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's
ass too!"
Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.
He gets back up and looks at the bartender,
"I take it this is Obama country?"
"Nope." replies the bartender.
"Horse country."
THERE ARE GOING TO BE A MILLION OF THESE!
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
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